Roaming Shadow

Okay, to start out with, I know that I have critiqued your other two chapters, but I am not a great critiquer. I’m sure there’s a lot of more technical ...

Well, it's pretty short, to say the least. However, it is an interesting beginning. I can see the pace picking up swiftly for the escape. All right, I may have ...

Wow, this certainly was an interesting story. For now, since I'm tired and haven't had dinner yet, I'll just focus on the first part. My main advice here, slow it ...

First off, I have to say that this was very well written. It’s not perfect (nothing ever is), but you’ve got something here. Wherever this story is going, keep writing, ...

Heh, I can’t say I have a reputation of being “gentle”, but I’ll try to soften any blows I feel inclined to give. Okay, with the first paragraph, I think ...

Allrighty, let’s get this show on the road. First things first, the first two paragraphs. They are rather formal, where most of the rest of the piece is rather informal. ...

A tall building atop a hill rose out of the mist. Sorry to sound harsh, but this opening line was so dull that I found I didn’t really care to ...

Well, for being more of an excerpt more than anything, I’ll see what I can do with it. ...she took care to avoid the sharp weeds. Sharp weeds? Do they ...

I found the first book, Eragon, to be at least an entertaining read. Sure, it was stereotypical, but I think he actually said somewhere that it was meant to be ...

Not bad. Not bad at all. A great opening that caught my eye. Okay, now that you've got the reader hooked with a bit of action, slowly pan out from ...

Well, a pretty solid start so far. Replace the anime bit with either 'video games' or 'writting' and your description on the bus describes me pretty well. And accuratly to ...

Hey Gaia, now, I agree that some of the comments could have been worded better, such as, "Going over the story, the prologue doesn't seem to add anything to the ...

First off, I think this should either be one chapter or divided into two. Four just seems to break it up too much. I also feel that the beginning is ...

Well, it looks well written so far. I liked the impression you gave me of the physiatrist, though I think that may be misspelled, but I don't know what the ...

Not bad. Not bad at all. The only big concern I have about this is that it seems to be from the middle of a story. If it is the ...